That Girl's List of Not-So-Blind-Items, feat. The Bottom of Melbourne's Barrel

1. Reality TV muppet; questionable cooking ability; spawn of a hobbit and Peter Pettigrew; seen schlepping around suburbs and eating a pie.

2. Born to fail and flail in shadows of paternal on-field prowess and comely sports-commentating; can't kick over a jam tin; seen being inordinately interested in continental rolls.

3. Wife of/mother of/mother-in-law of/jewel-theft victim; Attitude! Y'all better recognise, bitch!; BERT LIKES TO WEAR CHANEL TOO, DID YOU KNOW?; seen pushing prams, people's patience, and possibly queues.

4. Little, smarmy man-troll; unidentified source of fame because Australia obviously doesn't have talent; little; seen wearing loud Hawaiian shirts at dinner, acting smarmy, and being little.

5. Whoring fawn of hawks; formerly dread-locked; seen refusing to walk my way (can't imagine why).

6. Small-screen familiar, onstage newb (and possibly noob); nurse-turned-police officer; seen with bitchface that rivalled yours truly.

7. F-lister aka nobody; 5-second reality TV dance fame; part of the greatest musical of my life, seriously; seen buying [OMITTED], asking for [OMITTED], walking around.

8. Nightly news familiar; very brown...Brown; seen disappointing me by being real-life fail.

9. Whoring fawn no. 2 (why so infestation?); PUNCH HIM HARDER NEXT TIME, OKAY PADDY?; seen trying to be recognised for do-gooding.

10. Sister of; ex-Mrs. 'Christian Troy'; would like you to know she loves her vibrator; seen buying Grown products with a very tight face.

Top 10 Things I Miss Right Now

10. Being at the Regent to see Wicked. And to experience its awesome score. The one that gave me swirly feelings in my stomach area when I heard it.

9. ER. Fuckin' ruin my life and end it, why don't you? Stupid executive television network demographic expiry date bullshit.

8. Internet usage allowance.

7. Priceline. I mean, Priceline co-workers. Certain Priceline co-workers. The ones who don't shit me by exisiting, who were cordial from the get-go, who were always pleasant to work with, who totally ruined me for all future co-workers.

6. Uzu. Katsu curry. "Next prease?"

5. Money. TWO monthly concession tickets?! TWO?!? WHAT THE FLIPPITY-FUCK?! Am I on drugs?

4. The tennis. My camera in Nadal's face. IN. HIS. FACE. THISCLOSE. "Touch, okay?"

3. Ray and Neela. Being together. Neela being hott. Ray being...not quite.

2. Nothing to obsess about. I feel...incomplete.

1. Wicked. Because Sydney sucks cock and doesn't deserve to host my beloved baby. And my heart is withering just thinking about how that wretched city is tainting it. BRB SHAKING AND CRYING.

YouTube - Procrastination's Best Friend

Instead of studying for exams, sleeping so you can study for exams, or going to lectures so you can takes notes to study for exams, YouTube gives you alternative time-fillers. The annoying thing though, is that they give rise to certain phrases you then find yourself repeating ad nauseam, much to your own frustration. Behold, a few current rotations in my vocab:

Clare Werbeloff may be a fuckin' moron, but I can't stop saying "Chk-Chk-Boom!"

I also can't stop saying "OWWW! Char-lie!", whenever the most remote of opportunities for pain exclaimations arise.

"Shut your dirty whore mouth, player player!" 'Nuff said.

Way too many quotables.

"...like, such as." It's because some US Americans don't, have, maps.

Not quite a line to quote, but just his entire presence throughout:"Large fries."

Three Rivers: Two Birds with the One Show

In news that greatly thrills me, US network CBS have picked up Three Rivers as part of their '09/10 TV schedule. As far as I know, Three Rivers revolves around transplant surgeons, donors and recipients. As far as I care, Three Rivers promises to combine very important elements from two of my religiously-viewed and recently farewelled shows (ER, The L Word): 'good' medical drama, and Kate Moennig. It can only help that ER's Justina Machado (aka Claudia Diaz, of 'Archie Morris + Claudia Diaz = red-haired, olive-skinned babiez!' fame) is also onboard, although if the stars had aligned a little more, oh, the possibilities...Parminder and Kate...on the same show...

The hotness would cause screens to combust. Except for the fact that I am devoted to the idea of Neela belonging only to the realm of the Roomies. Doesn't mean she can't share the screen with everyone's favourite androgynous whore though, I suppose.

Although there's a high chance Three Rivers won't last the distance and this time next year, CBS will be claiming it a bad memory, but until such a time arrives, I'm just hanging out to catch a glimpse of Doctor Shane - while not highly believable, the notion is at least highly amusing. LOLZ!

End of an ERa, Part 1: How the Roomies Were Cheated

This is a belated post about the end of the Roomies' story on the now-defunct ER (*WEEP*).

Every blind man and his dog in the ER fandom knew that Ray would be making a second appearance before the final season was through - how could we have missed all the glinting anvils raining down onto Neela's head, and thereby our heads? Never mind that AussieDoc kind of grew on me by mid-season (bad, TG!), Ray was the one who let Neela know he was "thinking about [her]". Never mind that AussieDoc actually became her boyfriend, Ray was the one who kept calling to talk to her in her dreams. Never mind that AussieDoc wanted to take her away to Venice, Ray was the one who sent her a Valentine's Day CD that served as very effective montage music for all the other characters too. Never mind that AussieDoc wanted to end every conversation in sex, Ray was the fabulously-timed phone call that sent AussieDoc right out the door.

What with all these obvious signs pointing to Dr. McLegless appearing and sweeping Neela off to go get married and start having pretty little babies, it came as major disappointment when the real storyline went down.

And so it is, My Disappointment In Pictures:

Neela's farewell episode, two before the series came to an end, started off with some lovely DubenkoNeela interaction. Mmm, Dubenko...I would've been right on board with some Deela couple-dom.

Look how sad he is to lose her to another hospital...and so he should be.

Then we get some AussieDoc running to catch her at the airport, like some sappy romantic comedy plotline, so that they may sit down and consume alcohol and talk out their break-up.

Breela. With Ray symbolically in the middle.

Some more Breela bonding. No Ray as of yet.

Really, did we need so much? And where is Ray?

Then, Dr. Andrew "Weasel" Wade came back after being AWOL for a bajillion episodes, so that gave me some much needed relief from the Breela bonding.

Ahh...Weasel...I heart thee.

Back to The Breela Break-up Bonding That Won't End. Go bond with Ray, Neela! Listen to me!

Neela kicks arse one last time in the County OR, denying Weasel of his first surgery. Dubenko looks on with pride. Ray is still nowhere to be found.

And then, we are subjected to the horrifying conclusion of Breela, where they think it's appropriate to mack on each other as a final farewell gesture. Go away Brenner! GO AWAY! Come save her, Ray!

This kiss will hurt ten times more by the episode's conclusion, when all the Reela fans realise how fuckin' gypped we were/are/always will be.

Frank throws Neela a surprise farewell party, in the most un-PC manner possible, as Frank can always be counted upon to be. At said farewell party, where they present Neela with Bollywood dancers and a hideous bright orange saffron cake, her co-workers wax lyrical about Neela's awesomeness. Weasel chimes in endearingly that Neela taught him, "like, everything!"

Oh, Weasel. You are so charmingly earnest. Don't you remember how Neela kind of hated you and refused to teach you because you got her arse sued by a dead patient's family, because you failed to treat said patient properly at the time, only you took it upon yourself to be earnest with the family and told them it was your fault and as you are only an intern, your supervisor Neela had to take the fall? Remember the stink eye she practically tried to kill you with?!

Dubenko sombers the party when he enters, bearing a gift: Neela's locker nameplate.

Dubenko is my knight in shining labcoat.

Haleh takes Neela to The Mysteriously-Located Wall of Names, where she also took Abby earlier this season. It's all really sad and weepy, because we get all these flashbacks of Neela through the years...on her first day, being greeted in un-PC fashion by Frank...with her late husband, Gallant...with the late Pratt...being asked by Abby to be a maid of honour...and...and...no Ray. The Barnett nameplate on the wall is totally ignored. I'm so broken up inside.

A 'moment' with Haleh, brought to us by ER-hates-Ray scriptwriters.

Neela plops her nameplate onto the Wall, nowhere near her dead husband's name, nor Abby's or Pratt's, nor Ray's. But the latter was to be expected by now. I'm surprised they even went to the trouble of making a nameplate for the character to stick on the Wall at all.

Then, she's off. She gets stuck at the airport. We're not supposed to know where's she headed for her new job. Brenner comes to do their hour-long bonding (the episode skips around in time). And just as she's about to board, she gets a phonecall...

Abby!

Abby's all, 'get on the plane and go find Ray!' but not so explicitly, because it's still meant to be a secret to the audience, even though we saw Shane West's name at the beginning of the episode. However, at this 3/4 mark and no sign of Gimpy McLegless, the great Reela hope starts to plummet.

Then we're subjected to tedious filler, in which Neela is on a plane, Neela gets off that plane...

...Neela goes driving wherever it was that her plane landed...

...thank God for Dubenko and Weasel. Not so much Brenner.

Dubenko appears to take Weasel under his wing as his new surgical protegé, which is really sweet and although I suspect Weasel will be no Neela, at least Dubenko has someone to teach and distract himself with, so that he won't be too miserable about his real protegé gone away and all. Brenner leers on, probably wondering if he too can take Weasel on as a Neela replacement. Ew. Weasel, don't do it!

Neela, wasting more screen time.

Neela stares at a hip elderly gentleman, rocking out in the elevator. He's received more screen time than Ray thus far.

At last, Neela has wasted so much time that there is no choice but to bring Ray in. We're down to the last two or so minutes of the episode, if you can fuckin' believe it, by the time she gets to the damn physiotherapy room and locates Ray, where he's working with other McGimpies.

What all the Reela fans have waited and waited and waited some more for ends up being...this:

Countdown to Sob City, begins now.

Neela just does googly eyes at him, while he laughs to himself, probably thinking about how much he got paid to do one minute's worth of acting. This is fuckin' arse, peoples.

Ray gimps over to her, sloooooowly, so as to waste even more time not actually interacting with Neela. Fuck. This. Seriously. I am more than broken now. "Finally," says Ray. Oh, really? Fuckin' really?! Finally?! Are they being IRONIC?!?!?! OH, HARDY-HAR-HAR, WRITERS! I HATE YOU ALL!

Neela looks cross-eyed. I wish I could say it was dazed-eye with love, but I really can't even be sure of that anymore. Who says they even like each other at this point?

"You really here?"

No, Ray. She's a fuckin' hologram. And I wouldn't be surprised if that's what it turned out like, a cruel, evil dream to twist the knife deeper into our Reela-loving hearts.

"Yeah. I really am." Fade to black.

And that? Was it. THAT WAS IT. Three lines. Two minutes. No hug. No kiss. No touching. NOTHING.

FUCK YOU, WRITERS! FUCK YOU, REELA! FUCK YOU, ER! FUCK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!

No One Mourns the Wicked...Except Me

I'm obsessed. I'm crazymadpsycho. I need to livebreathedream this story. I can't even begin to explain my love for StageElphaba, let alone for BookElphaba. Oh...BookElphaba...your poor tragic creature. I loved you from the moment you uttered "horrors" and then kept repeating it to freak everyone out.

Today, I almost, almost, asked the Oz Boutique assistant how she got her job. The words were on the tip of my tongue and I was about to be outed as a dire, dire, tragique. Then, out of nowhere, common sense (I don't know whose, but thank-you nonetheless) came flying out and wonked me over the head - duh, she probably works for the Regent Theatre and is therefore not actually affiliated with the production. Then I almost, almost, asked her how I'd go about getting a job at the Regent.

Suffice to say, I made a hasty exit as the atmosphere of the place is obviously damaging to my mental capacity. Only I wound up wandering blindly up Flinders Lane with no intention of seeking autographs or photos at stage door. You know how you get someplace and you don't actually want to be there, but there are people who are watching you and so you don't leave just because you don't want them to watch you leaving approximately ten seconds after you arrive? No? That's just me? Alrighty then...

It was something very much akin to embarrassment that sealed the deal and resulted in my depature. I was actually going to follow Lucy down the street but it seemed a bit creepy, what with the people standing around to witness me stalking after her, including Madame Morrible, and she's just effin' scary. Lesson of the day: be prepared to actually want something from the actors if you're going to skulk around stage door with the pubescents.

And finally...front row seating is quite awesome in that you can see practically everything, including everything on the actors' faces, but it does have some downfalls:

• you may be distracted because you can see practically everything and then it becomes a game as to what you can see - where are their microphones? What is that on their foreheads? Is it their microphones? Why does Glinda get to wear pink underwear to match her pink dress while everyone else just has to make do with plain old black, no matter what colour their costume is?
• no one tells you that you're in prime position for dry smoke inhalation
• no one tells you that the ensemble is going to hurl bits of streamer at you
• you will not be able to see the big dragon overhead without craning your neck
• you will also not be able to see the two flying monkeys who spaz out above the A reserve seats
• you will invariably find yourself watching the conductor at work instead of what's onstage
• you will also invariably find yourself craning to peer within the wings when you catch a glimpse of actors waiting for their cue, and this will somewhat ruin it for you
• you may strain your eyes looking for Elphaba's curtain-platform during Defying Gravity. Then you will miss half the song trying to ignore the obvious stage mechanisms of the entire affair
• actors will look directly at you. Multiple times. And it is unnerving to have "Kill the Witch!" screamed at you from two metres away
• you may be seated next to two cougars who think it's alright to wonder aloud if Millsy is too young to sex up during the show. You'll then be subjected to their catcalls for him at curtain call. This last point may apply even if you're not seated front row

Of course, nothing here will deter me from trying to reach my goal number of viewings before the show closes its Melbourne season. What can I say? "I'm beautifully tragic!"

That 'Guess the Song' Game That Everyone Does

So, I saw this over at Recap That! while I was perusing recapping blogs and I thought I'd give it a go. Dolly, this is for YOU and the sadness over my lack of blogging. Big love!

Rules:
Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game post your own.

1. I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation, you're living in the past it's a new generation
2. This world, this world is cold, but you don't, you don't have to go
3. I look at the sunrise, I look at it earn, I look into your eyes, don't know where to turn
4. Broken arrows along the shore, seems you intended to come back for more
5. There is a wall that runs right through me, just like the city, I will never be joined
6. So you say I'm too quiet, holding things up in my head
7. You say yes, I say no, you say stop, I say go go go
8. Now I'm in a band, people try to make me do things, kiss arses, and pay tribute
9. I'm so tired my feet don't touch the ground, I love the sky so much, I just fall straight down
10. Is that someone you used to date? Why is she hanging around here, what's her story?
11. Me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood, they say we stand for nothing and there's no way we ever could
12. Getting too busy to make amends, I should try to make it right
13. All the leaves are brown (all the leaves are brown), and the sky is grey (and the sky is grey)
14. Scold me, that's all you've got to say, coldly hurt me and turn away
15. I hate myself today, I don’t know what’s happening to me, I hate my face today, I think I look so shitty
16. The name on everybody's lips is gonna be, Roxie, the lady raking in the chips is gonna be, Roxie
17. From an empty room on the first floor, as the cars pass by the liquor store, I deconstruct my thoughts at this piano
18. Alright, so this is a song about anyone, it could be anyone, you're just doing your own thing and someone comes out of the blue, they're like,"Alright, what ya saying, yeah can I take your digits?" and you're like, "No, not in a million years, you're nasty, please leave me alone."
19. I'll seek you out, flay you alive, one more word and you won't survive
20. I was a quick wet boy, diving too deep for coins, all of your street light eyes, wide on my plastic toys
21. Well I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do ya?
22. I spend the afternoon in cars, I sit in traffic jams for hours, don't push me I am not okay
23. We passed upon the stair, we spoke of was and when, although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
24. I'm freakin' you baby, drivin' you crazy, I'm freakin' you baby, drivin' you crazy
25. I want to live, where soul meets body, and let the sun, wrap its arms around me
26. She was more like a beauty queen, from a movie scene, I said don't mind but what do you mean I am the one
27. I heard you on the wireless back in fifty-two, lying awake intent at tuning in on you
28. Little boy on my telephone, you've been away now you wanna come home
29. I've had a little bit too much, all of the people start to rush (start to rush by)
30. I am colorblind, coffee black and egg white

I did skip songs but they were instrumentals.