My Pretties, Part Deux: Attractive People Make Me Cry

Random Recap 2

Random Recap - So You Think You Can Dance Australia Top 6 Verdict

I've still been nuttily watching this show, as you can see. Also, the national tour starts tomorrow!!!!11!!!1! Yeah, I'm just a bit EXCITED! Countdown to seeing Demi and Rhys in the flesh begins tonight! YAYNESS!!!

Yeah, so 'LAST NIGHT', all the stuff from my previous recap happened. I'm only interested in the version of Beat It that's playing over the recap montage. Apparently, it's FOB? I hope I don't get the urge to download it. I've totally wasted this month's limit on fuckin' Dance eps and they're all about double the size of normal TV episodes. I have to stop downloading every damn song I hear on this show! 'FINAL 4 REVEALED' flashes as we get random grabs of the dancers backstage. I hope they include backstage stuff in the filler footage they're totes going to fill the live shows with; backstage, the dancers look more intense and nervous and not as chummy with each other as they pretend to be onstage. I like to imagine they walk around in their own worlds, not speaking a single word to anyone else and then become strangely animated once they step into the spotlight, like robots powered by a desire to appear likeable and friendly. We finish with close-ups on all six remaining and they all kind of look weirdly unattractive. And theme.

Group routine! One of my personal faves! Jack's holding a camera and he starts filming Kate, who's doing sexyface and preening around. The girls are in black Moulin Rouge-esque/showgirl costumes complete with headpieces and bright red lipstick. They look like trashy but expensive whores and I covet it all. The guys are in black pants and white singlets and Rhys and Graeme have muscle and upper body definition and look good, whereas Jack looks like someone's lost kid brother. He turns his camera on Vanessa and we didn't really need to see more of her attempt at sexyface. The routine is by Jason Gilkison and is kind of cabaret-ish and quite sexy, involving chairs and partner switching (dirty!). The song is Club Le Narcisse by Malcolm McLaren and I should know because I spent ages trying to track down a copy of it to listen to again and again and again.

Kate rocks the shit out of the routine; Jack is, of course, shoved at the front for most of it but his scrawniness wrecks his overall presence; Graeme and Rhys are sexay; Vanessa is not; Demi looks like she's either thinking too hard or is really pissed off about something. The stalk-down sans chairs edges Rhys into the lead of most sexy male. I recognise most of their ending poses as being replicated at the Logies, as were their costumes. They all give Nat sexy stinkeyes as they stalk past her, except Graeme, who chooses to employ a look of confusion.

Final live results show! Exactly how live is this show? We all know the performance shows aren't live, but apparently the verdict does take place on its purported Mondays. Are the group routines pre-recorded through? Or do they perform them way earlier in the course of the show than editing is letting on? Because I'm thinking there's no way they can be by the side of the stage with new hair, make-up and clothes (and sans post-performance sweat) by the time Nat is done talking to the judges. Anyway. I should stop wondering about the mundane and just celebrate that Jason Gilkison is on the panel instead of Bonnie for this ep, even though there won't be any actual judging done. He looks like a nice guy, despite his kind of scary big face. Jason Coleman does this tool-ish peace sign conversion that I scoff at and then immediately start copying. He also makes a sleazy pass at Nat and her outfit and are we sure he's not bi? He makes a great hetero slime. He also describes the dancers as bottles, singing the '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' and getting it completely wrong. Nat laughs that she thought J was still talking about her, and way to out yourself as an alco, Bass. Jason G actually sounds like a sane person and I wish he were a judge but then, I guess he wouldn't be able to choreograph for the show. Matt's wearing a hoodie and he looks like someone's even younger kid brother.

Before we get down to the judging, some Cirque de Soleil dancing by this giant of a man and his wisp of a partner who appears to weigh exactly nothing. I flove that the dude's leotard has a six-pack painted on it. Also? In comparison to these two, our remaining six look incredibly amateur-ish and second-rate, which is a strange way to garner our votes and support for them. Oh, Channel 10...how you make me wonder.

One last chance to perform a solo! Kate's up first and she's all dramatic arms and legs, dancing to...Christina Aguilera? I think? She's also perfoming in a dress, which is very Vanessa-esque of her. It wasn't anything special, but I don't mind Kate. She says it's extremely nerve-wracking backstage, like when "we went from 12 to 10, but times it by 5". 5? That's a tres random number to multiply their collective nerves by, but at least Kate manages to squeeze in the show's mathematical content. Remember? TV's totes good for you!

Nat shoves her offstage and it's Vanessa's turn. She's doing a Lion King homage, what with her leopard-print leotard and matching SCRUNCHIE! Maybe she's still stuck in Nacho Pop's mid-90s phase. In the words of Supple, it's more 'animalistic contemporary' than her usual ballet schtick and how weird that she should choose the night that her solo doesn't count for anything to whip out her more interesting moves. However, my horror over her CAMEL TOE overshadows any interest I would've had in her performance. Nat calls her Gumby; I wouldn't take that as a compliment, V. She comments on her lack of dress and it all clicks: KATE STOLE HER DRESS!

And now Demi! YAY DEMI! It's just a bunch of B-girl tricks, with some stripping, but hey! IT'S DEMI! SHE'S MY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!! Nat comments on how she's never had to dance for her life and um...Rhys never has either, you know? (And neither has Jack, but who cares about him, that smug winner). Demi happies that she's so proud of herself and runs offstage and she's just so damn CUTE!

It's time for the guys and Jack is first. Because I've now decided I kind of really dislike him, his solo leaves me cold (even though I can see that's it very sharp and well put together). He's like the Anthony Callea of dance. You know, the little Mr Plastic Fantastic, who's been trained and polished to within an inch of his wee little body until he's so perfect that he's boring.

Next is Graeme, who has decided to dress all in white so as to reflect his innocence and purity...or something. It's very flowy and contemporary. He does signature 'I'm-so-excited' hops as Nat comes over, and then pulls at a necklace around his neck, declaring that it was for his mum. The solo, I hope, not the necklace because you're totes already wearing it and dirtying it with your sweat, G.

Final soloist: Rhys! RHYS! I LOVE RHYS! He's got a faceful of galah make-up, all pink and white. He's also wearing fluoro pants but I still love him so very much! He's all techno-y and jumpy and I really can't describe his style of dance very well, but it was much like his Top 10 Trainspotting solo. He made Nat want to dance and for the first time, I think: shut up, Nat! He runs off the stage and the six do a cute little group hug.

Now, we have Sean Kingston performing. And I am so not listening or watching. Fast-forward.
I totes need to say less in these recaps.

Breathtaking moment of the week: some part of Rhys and Kate's rumba, including the "death spiral".

Among their prizes, each Dance contestant also gets an Optus pre-paid starter kit with $100 credit! HOW UTTERLY AWESOME A PRIZE IS THAT?!?!? And how great for Hilton to get some credit, seeing as he didn't even have any to call his mum with after he got his ticket to Sydney.

I am halfway through this ep and bored, bored, bored. I think I'll go make a chocolate cake and come back to this later.