Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Random Recap 1, Take 2
Let's try this again, shall we?
Previously, on my first recapping adventure: http://thevoiceinsidemyheadsays.blogspot.com/2008/06/like-virgin-recapper.html
Yes, I am lame and just linked to a post that was residing within reach below this one. What of it?
Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Kate, Rhys, rumba. I like their matching singlets in rehearsal.
Apparently, everyone knows this Split Enz song. I'm obviously not everyone. Kate's wearing a long black gown and it's kind of frumpy. Rhys is also in black and he looks cute. I have no idea what the rumba is supposed to look like, but it seems to involve a lot of Kate lifting her legs into the air. It looks nothing like the incest-themed Demi and Jack affair from Top 14 week and that can only be a good thing. I remember seeing this the first time 'round on tv and being suitably impressed. Somehow, I'm thinking 'meh' as I watch it now. Lots of twirling, lots of leg lifts, lots of dress-grabbing, cheers, crescendo music, more cheers, even more cheers and a big ol' hug to finish it off. Rhys looks emotionally invested in the part and I find it darling. Standing ovation. Kate has a bitchface, like me. Not calling her a bitch, mkay?
Matt totes bought them as being in that place and moment- I think this is his way of saying he believed that Rhys wanted pussy. Although what he himself would know about that is beyond me. Kate is told that she "tackles it, kills it, nails it, and serves it" each week, to which she squinches up her face. Rhys' "attitude turn" was "beautiful". Attitude turn? Is it really called that, or am I hearing things? I lip-read Rhys saying "I'm so happy" and oh, he's adorable. Jason calls JG "Jason Gilkinson" and feels that they "took ownership" of it, something he really likes to say a lot. What the hell does it even mean when he throws it around so freely, especially in the case of Demi? JC also says about the lifts, "you never see a preparation into anything" just as the accompanying visuals show us...Rhys preparing to lift Kate. LOLZ, tech eds! He blames Rhys for making Kate hop in the promenades, because of blah-blah her shoulders and hips, and hush, you! Rhys is faultless in my eyes. For some reason, Kate goes into Supreme Bitchface when Bonnie starts talking. I don't remember if she has reason to hate Bonnie other than the fact that she's Bonnie, but it's kind of funny. Bonnie recaps their dance by spelling out everything mundane they did and I think she's on drugs. "You just danced the whole way through, from beginning to end." No shit, Sherlock. Kate just gives her the biggest motherfuckin' greasy. Rhys is So. Damn. Cute. I want to hug him!
Next up: Demi will re-team with either Jack or Graeme. They all make wacky faces at the camera.
'DEMI'. She pulls out Jack and he does a decent job of looking pleased and everyone else looks happy. I love these two together, so I'm happy too. Jack draws contemporary. Boo, hiss.
They have Garry Stewart as choreographer, the same guy who did their ballistic, Beastie Boys, tutu-wearing contemporary in Top 12 week. Demi announces that he's all sweaty as she hugs him and I shudder. I hate the mere thought of someone's sweat on me. He tells them they're doing machine-like movements, interspersed with sensual and sexual movements too. Having seen this routine a few times, I'm confused: where is the sensuality and sexuality to this piece? Am I dense and unable to appreciate the artistic sex in dance? Are Demi and Jack so devoid of sexual chemistry that they neutralise every dance they do? Or is it simply that Mr Stewart's idea of sensuality is more on par with machines having sex rather than what everyone else might imagine? I'm seeing a lot of armpits in the rehearsal footage and another question pops into my head. Do they re-lather themselves with deodorant every couple of hours? Demi reckons that for the performance to work, they both have to be very synchronised. Jack's one of those guys who is made more attractive by his fame; if he weren't on this show, I doubt as many girls (and boys) would want to do him. Boy is on the homelier side of cute.
Garry mentions the unison as well, so we know the synchronisation is going to be completely lacking. Yes, I know. Much as I love her, Demi and unison haven't had a good track record together. She ends up twisting her ankle and there are tears and ice-packs and subtitles, all set to some Adele. Jack appears more affectionate towards Demi than vice versa, so maybe that's why they have trouble bringing the sex to their dancing: because Demi is a bad actress! At one point, his face is right up in her chest and armpits and I question the frequent use of deodorant again.
They're dressed in fugly futuristic-y costumes and dancing to Goldfrapp. Demi looks like a dominatrix gone wrong. Her thighs look strangely massive. As soon as Jack lets go of her, their unison goes out of wack. They're both fairly adept at moving like machines. Jack's face is kind of hilarious. Then he goes and grabs her plait and I just don't understand this routine very much. As they toddle over to Nat, Jack claps Demi's bum and what is with the sexual harrassment of Demi tonight?!
Bonnie says it's about "dancers trying to be machines" and thanks, Captain Obvious. She asks about Demi's rehearsal inury and Demi replies that she "hurted" her ankle. Yes, I know. I still love her, but it made my ears bleed a little. Bonnie then says they "exechuted" the routine brilliantly. Gah! Jason tells Demi he loves her and loves the fact that she says she hurted her foot, and again, hush! Don't encourage her, dude! He rightly assumes that the show's demographic will not be able to appreciate the dance, as it was too abstract even though both of them took "fantastic ownership" of it. He tells Demi she's extraordinary and that Jack is the "versatuhl kang". Jack does his patented, surprised 'oh-thankyou' face. Matt's the only one who calls them out on the unison issue but softens it by saying they had less time to rehearse.
Coming up: Vanessa and Graeme. They're dressed like homeless hobos. Graeme's picking his teeth. Vanessa shows us her blacked-out tooth. Because hobos always have dental problems. Always.
The fantabulous prizes: the winner will get a cover shoot for Elle Girl magazine; a fashion spread for Elle shot by world-renowned photog, Gilles Bensimon...oh, dude. I should totes recap ANTM! Our winner will take dance classes at some dance school in LA; Mia Michaels will choreograph a routine for them; they'll perform that routine at some choreographers' ball and potentially be scouted; they'll go to NYC to watch a Broadway show (say, what? Are tickets that sought-after?); and of course, $200,000. Hmm. At least Idol promises a record contract. Also, a Broadway show? That's a very specific prize there. Imagine if JD had won. What would he want with that? Gosh, it's lucky that Jack the Broadway star wannabe ended up winning, or else they might've had to RIG THE SHOW! Phew.
'VANESSA'. She picks Graeme. Duh. Grame picks Broadway and looks excited. Vanessa looks upset and then starts jumping up and down. You don't see it, but Jack's totes peed off that he landed contemp when there was some B-way to be had.
Their choreographer is Adam Williams and their story is two friends who find a dime on the street. Adam flicks Vanessa in the face and I suddenly have an urge to be him. There shall be "slapstick and entertainment". Vanessa then tells us that slapstick sounds like lipgloss to her. More flicking her in the face, please. Graeme gets slapped in the face to demonstrate that slapstick is actually "physical comedy, so that people in the back row can get the joke". How about all the other rows, Adam? They have a part wherein they mock ballet and, by extension, Vanessa. Hey, if they really wanted to mock you, 'Ness, I can think of some far nastier methods, so shut it. Graeme practices falling onto a crash mat, because if he misses it, "it wouldn't be slapstick, would it?" Well, I don't know, G-banger, because it'd definitely be physical and I'd sure find it comedic. Adam reckons if they step up to the mark, they will make Top 4 with this routine. Way to bitchily and backhandedly say they're shit, A. Loves it.
The music is from Cabaret and the routine starts with them in the dancers' pit, ogling the dime. Vanessa looks stupid. Graeme looks suitably OTT and cheesy. Backstage, Jack notes that Graeme's cheese has nothing on his cheese. They look like homeless clowns, I've decided. Vanessa does a lot of ugly mugging, as does Graeme, but he looks more Broadway doing it, whereas Vanessa just looks stupid. Overall, cute, but I'm referring to one of them. Vanessa gets yanked off-stage by the G-banger in a bit of post-performance slapstick, and then we hear Nat shouting "Wait, I'm coming!" Oh, Jesus. "I wanna come too!" Cringe.
Jason says Vanessa needed more staccato and then proceeds to perform a whole stanza of the song because he's lame-o. Graeme was really hitting those beats as opposed to her, who missed "those beat things". Yes, beat things. Matt wanted Vanessa to really "stick the end" and I agree. He says Graeme was very smooth. Bonnie reckons she'll refer to Vanessa as "versatile Vanessa" and at least she pronounces it properly, but she's still clearly on drugs. She loved it all and it reminded her of something I don't catch and can't be bothered looking up, but whatever it is, it elicits delighted looks from the two dancers. Something about Fred Astaire and Judy Garland. She's deffo on crack. Graeme turns to squeeze the life out of the Loch-Ness and it's kind of cute how he gets so hyper and excited. Vanessa does some more wicked fugmo mugging while Graeme displays spirit fingers. Gee, cannot think who I'd want to vote for here.
After the break: "A big surprise!"
Yay, the Top 6 are so excited to be the Top 6! The guys are cuter in their excitement though. Jack squeezes Demi's shoulders, a gesture that secretly reads: 'you are only in the Top 6 because of ME, biatch! Recognise!' Demi has the good sense to acknowledge. Nat's eyes are all scary. Damn, I need screencaps. The Surprise, Part 1: "Girls, you're going to be dancing together!" The boys turn to each other and cheer, so Nat has to quickly jump in with Part 2, but we not slow, lady. The chicas get Nacho Pop as choreographer and if they weren't on camera, I'm sure some choice words would be thrown around. Supple, the cool hip-hop guy, will choreograph the boys and they're loads more excited of course.
'THE GIRLS': Nacho tells them they're doing a "laid-back, West Coast, g-funk, mid-nineties, hip-hop routine." All I hear is "mid-nineties". Yo-yos! Tamagotchis! Goosebumps! Ally McBeal and the dancing baby! Macarena! Tazos! Talkgirl! THE SPICE GIRLS! Aaaaaand, I'm back. Sorry. Kate lists the three girls as "ballerina, breakdance freestyler and jazz person", saying Nacho's got his work cut out for him. At least he's working with one actual person, huh Kate? Hilarious shot of her face with Vanessa's arse hovering above it. Nacho wants her to drop the jazz. Demi smiles too much, so he wants her to stop. Cue Demi's pug face. Vanessa, he says, is going to have to be sexy, to which she makes a grossed-out noise. You and me both, girlfriend. I really need a screencap to illustrate the utter hilarity of her face when she's doing 'sexy'. Nacho: "Vanessa isn't really sittin' comfortably on sexy or gangsta." Well, maybe you should've picked something else for her to do at this point, Poppy. "It's probably easier for her to go sexy, I think...I hope?" Nacho sucks because he could obviously see that she wouldn't pull it off 100%, yet still he didn't alter the routine. Maybe he just hates Vanessa but even so, it's still a shitty thing to do to someone depending on the routine to get votes. And I really don't actually hate her. I just dislike her baby voice. Associations and whatnot, you know? Vanessa doesn't know what an 'ice grill' is and she thinks it has something to do with food. Nacho says it's a "gas face", which means you're unimpressed. His demo of it actually looks like he's passing gas and is not impressed with the smell. Ah, I see. Makes sense. The three of them make ice grills to the camera and only Demi doesn't look completely stupid.
Vanessa's wearing hoops, an orange bikini and my sunnies, which she lowers in order to make sexyface at the camera. It fails miserably. It's painful to watch. It looks like epilepsy. I actually feel sorry for her. Kate and Demi are hip-hopping away to Dr Dre and Tupac while Vanessa is forcing her body to go through sexual thrusts and hip swivels and doggy positions and enough already! They're wearing different coloured bikinis, matching shirts with their names on the back and knee-high white socks. It's ridiculous. V is doing yet more sexy schtick, this time involving a kiss to the camera with her lids squinched shut until she gets shot by the drive-by soundtrack. Nice, Nacho. He must really hate her. Demi mounts a human bicycle made of Kate and Vanessa, and it's just really stupid. Then, Kate gets arse in her face again as Vanessa sits on her and hugs her legs and it's even more stupid. Demi and Kate strip off their shirts and it's not remotely sexy. At routine's end, Demi's on the floor, Vanessa's brushed her head against Kate's crotch as she slides back, and Kate tops Demi in a lesbian-tastic pose. Except? It's. Not. Sexy. Oh girls, you have my sympathies.
Nat David Beckhams, "That's a bit raunchy, innit?". Kate looks parts pissed, embarrassed and resigned. Demi lets her face go back to smiley mode. Vanessa looks like she's about to cry. Matt thinks it's good her last routine was great, because this one wasn't so much. He reckons she missed the mark on sexy. Word, Matty. The audience boos because the cue tells them to. He tells Kate it's a shame she spent half the routine on the floor and that Demi seemed more comfortable, as it's closer to what she does. Unison between Kate and Demi was present, Vanessa was out; the performance was "just under" for him. What Bonnie loved was that the three girls danced together. Kate and Demi hug and Vanessa stands around, all excluded. Oh, but then my little Demi hugs her too. She's so sweet. Bonnie critiques Vanessa's opening sexyface, or lack thereof, and we're subjected to a replay of it. Make it stop! Jason says he did not see three girls dancing together, which I like to think is a subtle dig at Bonnie's drug-induced hallucinations. He says he can see what Nacho was trying to achieve by having Vanessa play the sexy role, and we cut to Nacho in the audience, looking surly. Oooh! I see Supple behind him! Yay, Supple! Jason says that all Nacho really did was leave V exposed and show Jason her weaknesses. She looks really close to tears, so he stops and moves onto Demi. He believes that gangsta chicks can smile while being tough, so shove that up your ice grill, Nacho. Kate also sold the gangsta chick to him, "in an East Side sort of way" and I really don't know what he's talking about anymore, because I immediately think of the Upper East Side and Blair Waldorf, and she ain't no gansta chick. Although, if she was, she'd totes rock it because Blair wins at everything in my book. It was a slightly difficult routine for Jason to comment on, as there wasn't a lot of them doing anything together. What, did you not see the bike bit, Jason?! During phone numbers, Vanessa tries some pouting lips and narrowed eyes, and my sympathy for her evaporates.
Next up: the guys' animal instincts. OMG! They're gonna have a gay orgy!
'THE GUYS': Supple bursts through the doors with peace signs galore and I dislike him a little for it. "The concept is Madagascar meets the Three Stooges," he almost-lisps. He adds that it has an "aminalistic contemporary feel", and we all know contemporary is code for random. Rhys, looking adorable in a yellow cap, says he's going to be a "fishy type, slithery, kind of, flying fish" and makes fish lips and flappy gills at his face. Jack describes himself as "feral" and all of a sudden, his face is completely rodent-like in my eyes. He adds "ferret, squirrel, type of possum thing", while Graeme is a "lizard, desert kind of character, and it's really, like, sharp and, ugh, weird". Their words, not mine. They've all never done anything like this before. Blah-blah, imagination, blah-blah. Rhys has a phobia of tumbling backwards, but executes it rather well in rehearsal. A shot of them doing their animal poses, in which I can only see JackRodent scratching at his fleas. Do rodents even have fleas?
The song is cool. Their costumes are elaborately crazy. There's a lot of flips and tumbles and tricks and if they're not doing any of those, they're acting like the bizarre hybrid creatures they claim to be. It's impressive in that it shows off the guys' abilities, which is where Supple wins and Nacho loses, but it's generally a little underwhelming in terms of a dance. Rhys does his backflip and no one cheers, so I cheer for him. The ending pose has Graeme grabbing JackRodent and pulling him in, and the fangirls and gay guys go to their happy place.
Nat comments on the fantastic costumes and Rhys turns and waggles his fin, but all I can focus on is his waggling butt. Matt thinks Supple is a clever dude and that it was a clever concept; Supple does a sideways peace sign to the camera and I hate him. Rhys is told that he showed no fear with the backwards tumbling and I notice that his eyelids have a set of yellow, amphibian eyes painted on them, which looks freaky cool. Matt says Graeme is "a critter again" and exactly how that is an assessment of the performance, I don't know and neither does Graeme, judging by the look on his face. Jack sold the meerkat thing to Matt and I change my mind, based on Jack's Batman eye makeup: he looks like the wannabe-superhero kid from The Incredibles. Supple does more sideways peace signs and they start to resemble gun fingers and that, I'm okay with because Nacho is sitting in front of him. Bonnie says she loved seeing all three of them dancing together and way to recycle your evening's script, darling. At least we know she isn't left to her own devices though. She muddles a somersault with a leapfrog move, tells them she loved their little fights together and how they "went through the jungle", and that they "came out of one skin and into another skin". I take back what I said; she is obviously left up to her own devices here because that? That was the crack speaking. Supple aims his peace gun into the camera and shoots us all a couple of times and thanks, man. I love you too. Unless that was for Bonnie, in which case, go ahead. A brief moment of all three boys holding hands rouses the gay guy in me. Jason had a "problem in there" but praises the routine all the same. "Supple, you're very, very clever," he says, probably because he doesn't want to get shot by the peace guns too. "However," he continues. He blah-blahs about it being difficult to judge because of not enough unison, therefore he can't help us plebes at home decide who is better than the other and who to cast our votes for. Oh, shuddupyourface, Coleman. Like we listened to you anyway. Cases in point: Graeme and Kate's Bollywood, JD and Rhiannon's tango, Marko and Stephanie's swap, etc. You hated them all and the public put them through, so nyah. "Well done, boys. Good job," he finishes cheerily. Rhys makes scary faces with closed eyes and clawing fingers, and I still love him to death. JackRodentIncrediblekid scratches at his fleas some more and I kind of hate his face. Graeme sticks his tongue out because that's all lizards ever do, then promptly runs out of ideas and starts grooving.
And numbers and recap time! What a sucky performance show.
Kate looks like she's trying really hard not to look upset and I can understand if she's still not over that crap West Coast fuggle. I want to give Rhys a kiss on his blue face. Jason reminds us that it's a "dance contest". You don't say. He wants us to vote for the dancing, which I take as a dig at Demi. Hush, you! The judges all start nodding in unison and Nat laughs that she "got it". I didn't, care to explain? Live performances by Cirque du Soleil and Sean Kingston are tomorrow's selling points. Nat says hi to Rove and we're out.
Previously, on my first recapping adventure: http://thevoiceinsidemyheadsays.blogspot.com/2008/06/like-virgin-recapper.html
Yes, I am lame and just linked to a post that was residing within reach below this one. What of it?
Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Kate, Rhys, rumba. I like their matching singlets in rehearsal.
Apparently, everyone knows this Split Enz song. I'm obviously not everyone. Kate's wearing a long black gown and it's kind of frumpy. Rhys is also in black and he looks cute. I have no idea what the rumba is supposed to look like, but it seems to involve a lot of Kate lifting her legs into the air. It looks nothing like the incest-themed Demi and Jack affair from Top 14 week and that can only be a good thing. I remember seeing this the first time 'round on tv and being suitably impressed. Somehow, I'm thinking 'meh' as I watch it now. Lots of twirling, lots of leg lifts, lots of dress-grabbing, cheers, crescendo music, more cheers, even more cheers and a big ol' hug to finish it off. Rhys looks emotionally invested in the part and I find it darling. Standing ovation. Kate has a bitchface, like me. Not calling her a bitch, mkay?
Matt totes bought them as being in that place and moment- I think this is his way of saying he believed that Rhys wanted pussy. Although what he himself would know about that is beyond me. Kate is told that she "tackles it, kills it, nails it, and serves it" each week, to which she squinches up her face. Rhys' "attitude turn" was "beautiful". Attitude turn? Is it really called that, or am I hearing things? I lip-read Rhys saying "I'm so happy" and oh, he's adorable. Jason calls JG "Jason Gilkinson" and feels that they "took ownership" of it, something he really likes to say a lot. What the hell does it even mean when he throws it around so freely, especially in the case of Demi? JC also says about the lifts, "you never see a preparation into anything" just as the accompanying visuals show us...Rhys preparing to lift Kate. LOLZ, tech eds! He blames Rhys for making Kate hop in the promenades, because of blah-blah her shoulders and hips, and hush, you! Rhys is faultless in my eyes. For some reason, Kate goes into Supreme Bitchface when Bonnie starts talking. I don't remember if she has reason to hate Bonnie other than the fact that she's Bonnie, but it's kind of funny. Bonnie recaps their dance by spelling out everything mundane they did and I think she's on drugs. "You just danced the whole way through, from beginning to end." No shit, Sherlock. Kate just gives her the biggest motherfuckin' greasy. Rhys is So. Damn. Cute. I want to hug him!
Next up: Demi will re-team with either Jack or Graeme. They all make wacky faces at the camera.
'DEMI'. She pulls out Jack and he does a decent job of looking pleased and everyone else looks happy. I love these two together, so I'm happy too. Jack draws contemporary. Boo, hiss.
They have Garry Stewart as choreographer, the same guy who did their ballistic, Beastie Boys, tutu-wearing contemporary in Top 12 week. Demi announces that he's all sweaty as she hugs him and I shudder. I hate the mere thought of someone's sweat on me. He tells them they're doing machine-like movements, interspersed with sensual and sexual movements too. Having seen this routine a few times, I'm confused: where is the sensuality and sexuality to this piece? Am I dense and unable to appreciate the artistic sex in dance? Are Demi and Jack so devoid of sexual chemistry that they neutralise every dance they do? Or is it simply that Mr Stewart's idea of sensuality is more on par with machines having sex rather than what everyone else might imagine? I'm seeing a lot of armpits in the rehearsal footage and another question pops into my head. Do they re-lather themselves with deodorant every couple of hours? Demi reckons that for the performance to work, they both have to be very synchronised. Jack's one of those guys who is made more attractive by his fame; if he weren't on this show, I doubt as many girls (and boys) would want to do him. Boy is on the homelier side of cute.
Garry mentions the unison as well, so we know the synchronisation is going to be completely lacking. Yes, I know. Much as I love her, Demi and unison haven't had a good track record together. She ends up twisting her ankle and there are tears and ice-packs and subtitles, all set to some Adele. Jack appears more affectionate towards Demi than vice versa, so maybe that's why they have trouble bringing the sex to their dancing: because Demi is a bad actress! At one point, his face is right up in her chest and armpits and I question the frequent use of deodorant again.
They're dressed in fugly futuristic-y costumes and dancing to Goldfrapp. Demi looks like a dominatrix gone wrong. Her thighs look strangely massive. As soon as Jack lets go of her, their unison goes out of wack. They're both fairly adept at moving like machines. Jack's face is kind of hilarious. Then he goes and grabs her plait and I just don't understand this routine very much. As they toddle over to Nat, Jack claps Demi's bum and what is with the sexual harrassment of Demi tonight?!
Bonnie says it's about "dancers trying to be machines" and thanks, Captain Obvious. She asks about Demi's rehearsal inury and Demi replies that she "hurted" her ankle. Yes, I know. I still love her, but it made my ears bleed a little. Bonnie then says they "exechuted" the routine brilliantly. Gah! Jason tells Demi he loves her and loves the fact that she says she hurted her foot, and again, hush! Don't encourage her, dude! He rightly assumes that the show's demographic will not be able to appreciate the dance, as it was too abstract even though both of them took "fantastic ownership" of it. He tells Demi she's extraordinary and that Jack is the "versatuhl kang". Jack does his patented, surprised 'oh-thankyou' face. Matt's the only one who calls them out on the unison issue but softens it by saying they had less time to rehearse.
Coming up: Vanessa and Graeme. They're dressed like homeless hobos. Graeme's picking his teeth. Vanessa shows us her blacked-out tooth. Because hobos always have dental problems. Always.
The fantabulous prizes: the winner will get a cover shoot for Elle Girl magazine; a fashion spread for Elle shot by world-renowned photog, Gilles Bensimon...oh, dude. I should totes recap ANTM! Our winner will take dance classes at some dance school in LA; Mia Michaels will choreograph a routine for them; they'll perform that routine at some choreographers' ball and potentially be scouted; they'll go to NYC to watch a Broadway show (say, what? Are tickets that sought-after?); and of course, $200,000. Hmm. At least Idol promises a record contract. Also, a Broadway show? That's a very specific prize there. Imagine if JD had won. What would he want with that? Gosh, it's lucky that Jack the Broadway star wannabe ended up winning, or else they might've had to RIG THE SHOW! Phew.
'VANESSA'. She picks Graeme. Duh. Grame picks Broadway and looks excited. Vanessa looks upset and then starts jumping up and down. You don't see it, but Jack's totes peed off that he landed contemp when there was some B-way to be had.
Their choreographer is Adam Williams and their story is two friends who find a dime on the street. Adam flicks Vanessa in the face and I suddenly have an urge to be him. There shall be "slapstick and entertainment". Vanessa then tells us that slapstick sounds like lipgloss to her. More flicking her in the face, please. Graeme gets slapped in the face to demonstrate that slapstick is actually "physical comedy, so that people in the back row can get the joke". How about all the other rows, Adam? They have a part wherein they mock ballet and, by extension, Vanessa. Hey, if they really wanted to mock you, 'Ness, I can think of some far nastier methods, so shut it. Graeme practices falling onto a crash mat, because if he misses it, "it wouldn't be slapstick, would it?" Well, I don't know, G-banger, because it'd definitely be physical and I'd sure find it comedic. Adam reckons if they step up to the mark, they will make Top 4 with this routine. Way to bitchily and backhandedly say they're shit, A. Loves it.
The music is from Cabaret and the routine starts with them in the dancers' pit, ogling the dime. Vanessa looks stupid. Graeme looks suitably OTT and cheesy. Backstage, Jack notes that Graeme's cheese has nothing on his cheese. They look like homeless clowns, I've decided. Vanessa does a lot of ugly mugging, as does Graeme, but he looks more Broadway doing it, whereas Vanessa just looks stupid. Overall, cute, but I'm referring to one of them. Vanessa gets yanked off-stage by the G-banger in a bit of post-performance slapstick, and then we hear Nat shouting "Wait, I'm coming!" Oh, Jesus. "I wanna come too!" Cringe.
Jason says Vanessa needed more staccato and then proceeds to perform a whole stanza of the song because he's lame-o. Graeme was really hitting those beats as opposed to her, who missed "those beat things". Yes, beat things. Matt wanted Vanessa to really "stick the end" and I agree. He says Graeme was very smooth. Bonnie reckons she'll refer to Vanessa as "versatile Vanessa" and at least she pronounces it properly, but she's still clearly on drugs. She loved it all and it reminded her of something I don't catch and can't be bothered looking up, but whatever it is, it elicits delighted looks from the two dancers. Something about Fred Astaire and Judy Garland. She's deffo on crack. Graeme turns to squeeze the life out of the Loch-Ness and it's kind of cute how he gets so hyper and excited. Vanessa does some more wicked fugmo mugging while Graeme displays spirit fingers. Gee, cannot think who I'd want to vote for here.
After the break: "A big surprise!"
Yay, the Top 6 are so excited to be the Top 6! The guys are cuter in their excitement though. Jack squeezes Demi's shoulders, a gesture that secretly reads: 'you are only in the Top 6 because of ME, biatch! Recognise!' Demi has the good sense to acknowledge. Nat's eyes are all scary. Damn, I need screencaps. The Surprise, Part 1: "Girls, you're going to be dancing together!" The boys turn to each other and cheer, so Nat has to quickly jump in with Part 2, but we not slow, lady. The chicas get Nacho Pop as choreographer and if they weren't on camera, I'm sure some choice words would be thrown around. Supple, the cool hip-hop guy, will choreograph the boys and they're loads more excited of course.
'THE GIRLS': Nacho tells them they're doing a "laid-back, West Coast, g-funk, mid-nineties, hip-hop routine." All I hear is "mid-nineties". Yo-yos! Tamagotchis! Goosebumps! Ally McBeal and the dancing baby! Macarena! Tazos! Talkgirl! THE SPICE GIRLS! Aaaaaand, I'm back. Sorry. Kate lists the three girls as "ballerina, breakdance freestyler and jazz person", saying Nacho's got his work cut out for him. At least he's working with one actual person, huh Kate? Hilarious shot of her face with Vanessa's arse hovering above it. Nacho wants her to drop the jazz. Demi smiles too much, so he wants her to stop. Cue Demi's pug face. Vanessa, he says, is going to have to be sexy, to which she makes a grossed-out noise. You and me both, girlfriend. I really need a screencap to illustrate the utter hilarity of her face when she's doing 'sexy'. Nacho: "Vanessa isn't really sittin' comfortably on sexy or gangsta." Well, maybe you should've picked something else for her to do at this point, Poppy. "It's probably easier for her to go sexy, I think...I hope?" Nacho sucks because he could obviously see that she wouldn't pull it off 100%, yet still he didn't alter the routine. Maybe he just hates Vanessa but even so, it's still a shitty thing to do to someone depending on the routine to get votes. And I really don't actually hate her. I just dislike her baby voice. Associations and whatnot, you know? Vanessa doesn't know what an 'ice grill' is and she thinks it has something to do with food. Nacho says it's a "gas face", which means you're unimpressed. His demo of it actually looks like he's passing gas and is not impressed with the smell. Ah, I see. Makes sense. The three of them make ice grills to the camera and only Demi doesn't look completely stupid.
Vanessa's wearing hoops, an orange bikini and my sunnies, which she lowers in order to make sexyface at the camera. It fails miserably. It's painful to watch. It looks like epilepsy. I actually feel sorry for her. Kate and Demi are hip-hopping away to Dr Dre and Tupac while Vanessa is forcing her body to go through sexual thrusts and hip swivels and doggy positions and enough already! They're wearing different coloured bikinis, matching shirts with their names on the back and knee-high white socks. It's ridiculous. V is doing yet more sexy schtick, this time involving a kiss to the camera with her lids squinched shut until she gets shot by the drive-by soundtrack. Nice, Nacho. He must really hate her. Demi mounts a human bicycle made of Kate and Vanessa, and it's just really stupid. Then, Kate gets arse in her face again as Vanessa sits on her and hugs her legs and it's even more stupid. Demi and Kate strip off their shirts and it's not remotely sexy. At routine's end, Demi's on the floor, Vanessa's brushed her head against Kate's crotch as she slides back, and Kate tops Demi in a lesbian-tastic pose. Except? It's. Not. Sexy. Oh girls, you have my sympathies.
Nat David Beckhams, "That's a bit raunchy, innit?". Kate looks parts pissed, embarrassed and resigned. Demi lets her face go back to smiley mode. Vanessa looks like she's about to cry. Matt thinks it's good her last routine was great, because this one wasn't so much. He reckons she missed the mark on sexy. Word, Matty. The audience boos because the cue tells them to. He tells Kate it's a shame she spent half the routine on the floor and that Demi seemed more comfortable, as it's closer to what she does. Unison between Kate and Demi was present, Vanessa was out; the performance was "just under" for him. What Bonnie loved was that the three girls danced together. Kate and Demi hug and Vanessa stands around, all excluded. Oh, but then my little Demi hugs her too. She's so sweet. Bonnie critiques Vanessa's opening sexyface, or lack thereof, and we're subjected to a replay of it. Make it stop! Jason says he did not see three girls dancing together, which I like to think is a subtle dig at Bonnie's drug-induced hallucinations. He says he can see what Nacho was trying to achieve by having Vanessa play the sexy role, and we cut to Nacho in the audience, looking surly. Oooh! I see Supple behind him! Yay, Supple! Jason says that all Nacho really did was leave V exposed and show Jason her weaknesses. She looks really close to tears, so he stops and moves onto Demi. He believes that gangsta chicks can smile while being tough, so shove that up your ice grill, Nacho. Kate also sold the gangsta chick to him, "in an East Side sort of way" and I really don't know what he's talking about anymore, because I immediately think of the Upper East Side and Blair Waldorf, and she ain't no gansta chick. Although, if she was, she'd totes rock it because Blair wins at everything in my book. It was a slightly difficult routine for Jason to comment on, as there wasn't a lot of them doing anything together. What, did you not see the bike bit, Jason?! During phone numbers, Vanessa tries some pouting lips and narrowed eyes, and my sympathy for her evaporates.
Next up: the guys' animal instincts. OMG! They're gonna have a gay orgy!
'THE GUYS': Supple bursts through the doors with peace signs galore and I dislike him a little for it. "The concept is Madagascar meets the Three Stooges," he almost-lisps. He adds that it has an "aminalistic contemporary feel", and we all know contemporary is code for random. Rhys, looking adorable in a yellow cap, says he's going to be a "fishy type, slithery, kind of, flying fish" and makes fish lips and flappy gills at his face. Jack describes himself as "feral" and all of a sudden, his face is completely rodent-like in my eyes. He adds "ferret, squirrel, type of possum thing", while Graeme is a "lizard, desert kind of character, and it's really, like, sharp and, ugh, weird". Their words, not mine. They've all never done anything like this before. Blah-blah, imagination, blah-blah. Rhys has a phobia of tumbling backwards, but executes it rather well in rehearsal. A shot of them doing their animal poses, in which I can only see JackRodent scratching at his fleas. Do rodents even have fleas?
The song is cool. Their costumes are elaborately crazy. There's a lot of flips and tumbles and tricks and if they're not doing any of those, they're acting like the bizarre hybrid creatures they claim to be. It's impressive in that it shows off the guys' abilities, which is where Supple wins and Nacho loses, but it's generally a little underwhelming in terms of a dance. Rhys does his backflip and no one cheers, so I cheer for him. The ending pose has Graeme grabbing JackRodent and pulling him in, and the fangirls and gay guys go to their happy place.
Nat comments on the fantastic costumes and Rhys turns and waggles his fin, but all I can focus on is his waggling butt. Matt thinks Supple is a clever dude and that it was a clever concept; Supple does a sideways peace sign to the camera and I hate him. Rhys is told that he showed no fear with the backwards tumbling and I notice that his eyelids have a set of yellow, amphibian eyes painted on them, which looks freaky cool. Matt says Graeme is "a critter again" and exactly how that is an assessment of the performance, I don't know and neither does Graeme, judging by the look on his face. Jack sold the meerkat thing to Matt and I change my mind, based on Jack's Batman eye makeup: he looks like the wannabe-superhero kid from The Incredibles. Supple does more sideways peace signs and they start to resemble gun fingers and that, I'm okay with because Nacho is sitting in front of him. Bonnie says she loved seeing all three of them dancing together and way to recycle your evening's script, darling. At least we know she isn't left to her own devices though. She muddles a somersault with a leapfrog move, tells them she loved their little fights together and how they "went through the jungle", and that they "came out of one skin and into another skin". I take back what I said; she is obviously left up to her own devices here because that? That was the crack speaking. Supple aims his peace gun into the camera and shoots us all a couple of times and thanks, man. I love you too. Unless that was for Bonnie, in which case, go ahead. A brief moment of all three boys holding hands rouses the gay guy in me. Jason had a "problem in there" but praises the routine all the same. "Supple, you're very, very clever," he says, probably because he doesn't want to get shot by the peace guns too. "However," he continues. He blah-blahs about it being difficult to judge because of not enough unison, therefore he can't help us plebes at home decide who is better than the other and who to cast our votes for. Oh, shuddupyourface, Coleman. Like we listened to you anyway. Cases in point: Graeme and Kate's Bollywood, JD and Rhiannon's tango, Marko and Stephanie's swap, etc. You hated them all and the public put them through, so nyah. "Well done, boys. Good job," he finishes cheerily. Rhys makes scary faces with closed eyes and clawing fingers, and I still love him to death. JackRodentIncrediblekid scratches at his fleas some more and I kind of hate his face. Graeme sticks his tongue out because that's all lizards ever do, then promptly runs out of ideas and starts grooving.
And numbers and recap time! What a sucky performance show.
Kate looks like she's trying really hard not to look upset and I can understand if she's still not over that crap West Coast fuggle. I want to give Rhys a kiss on his blue face. Jason reminds us that it's a "dance contest". You don't say. He wants us to vote for the dancing, which I take as a dig at Demi. Hush, you! The judges all start nodding in unison and Nat laughs that she "got it". I didn't, care to explain? Live performances by Cirque du Soleil and Sean Kingston are tomorrow's selling points. Nat says hi to Rove and we're out.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Like a Virgin (Recapper)
Snarking for the very first time.
Yeah. I've decided to take one step towards my dream of being a blogging recapper. Except, the biggest hurdle I'm facing here (aside from my lack of wit and other good stuff that makes recaps fun to read) is my commitment problems. I have a very poor track record of finishing things properly, so if I were to be honest, I would say that the chances of me keeping up with a season's worth of TV shows would be slim to none.
Solution? Random recaps! Hooray for randomness!
Okay, so here is how it works: I will totes write a recap of something whenever I feel like it. Geddit? Random!
So, to ease myself into my recapping role, I'm going to take a stab at a show I never dreamed I'd want to recap, and I don't actually think I want to recap, but I have been reading various recaps of it and they sound fun, so I'm going to pretend to want to recap as my first official recap, just to see if it is fun.
Ladies and gents, I present to you my first ever recap.
I may flove this show kinda nuttily right now (even though it's "ovah, O-V-A-H!") but I can't pretend it's not...you know...reality tv. And as such, I'm starting to regret it as my choice to ease me into the recapping world, because...you know...it's reality tv! You can't snark properly because they're actually people, as opposed to characters, and I've noticed that people's siblings and mums and dads and friends and possibly even people themselves will trawl sites looking for mentions of their loved ones/them and if you're really nasty, they like to pop up, all "HAI, im PERSON'S SIBLING/MUM/DAD/FRIEND/PERSON HIM-OR-HERSELF, and i wld jst lyk 2 say dat u suk bcuz u sed dis!!!!11!! u r a loozer lolz!!!1!" and I don't know about you, but I feel like comments like that not only tend to lower the IQ of that poor blog, but just taint it forevermore. In addition, reality television is actually really snark-able (mostly because of the people), that any half-wit could do a decent recap of it, so if mine comes out on the shitty side, well...I dread to think of what that would say not only about my recapping career, but also about me as a...no-wit.
Oh good God. Turn around. Run. Wrong way, go back.
Too late! I pressed play! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
'PREVIOUSLY', on So You Think You Can Dance Australia, there were 8 dancers. And OneRepublic. I cannot decide if Ryan Tedder looks like someone I know or not.
Oooh, oooh, '8 BECAME 6' flashes on the screen. Subtraction! Mathematics! WHO SAID TV WAS BAD FOR YOU?!
Bratty Rhiannon and her bikini-top/bra-thing were sent home, as were Henry and his face. I never understand those people who are hot for Henners because, well...his face. By the way, is the side of the stage where the dancers get shoved during eliminations cordoned off? If it isn't, what saves dancers like Jack and Graeme from being mauled and slobbered on by rabid fangirls who are standing right next to them? Is there some don't-touch-don't-talk rule if you're going to be allowed to stand there?
'TONIGHT' flashes, followed by '3 NEW COUPLES'. If we're going to get pedantic, it's technically only 1 new couple because, of the 3 girls left, only 1 has danced with all three remaining guys. In keeping with the mathematically-themed show here, the maximum number of new couples that could be formed is 2 because the third will not be 'NEW', wherein 'NEW' is taken to mean "never danced together before". But let's not get bogged down by this because a) there's no way to kill fun faster than maths (unless...no, we won't go there), and b) this recap will never end.
'1 BIG SUPRISE'. And theme. Would you believe I'm only 58 seconds in?
"Demi!" Oh, I love Demi. She's so cute. "Graeme!" I love Graeme too, not as much as I love Demi, but he's a funny kid. "It's Kate!" She's inoffensive. And lovely, I'm sure. And wearing the bigger, more conservative sister of Rhiannon's bikini-top/bra-thing. "And Jack!" Oh, look! It's the WINNER. He does the same damn thing he did every damn week of the competition: SPINSPINSPIN!!! Based on that, the BJ dude could've been in the top 6. "Vanessa!" I've never been on the Vanessa love-train. And I'm reminded again why that is. "And Rhys!" Oh! I HEART RHYS! Who didn't, really? Although that ballooning crotch pouch? Is making my heart wither...
"Here are the girls!" Vanessa looks stupid. "And here are the guys!" Rhys' pants look stupid. I love how Kate and Jack's ending pose is so ordinary compared to everyone else. I'd like to think it's because they both suffered a rare moment of brain-freeze and forgot their actual pose. Seriously, Vanessa looks stupid in that get-up. And Graeme has a hand splayed all over Demi's chest. And that's probably the closest he's been...no, I won't go there, it's too cheap a shot.
And here is Natalie. I can't say I hate her hosting. I actually don't focus much on her at all, and I don't watch Neighbours so I don't see her as Izzy or whatever, and I barely remember half the time that she's lead singer for the Rogue Traders, so it's all good, Nat. Me no hatey. God, Vanessa looks really bad in that thing and the headscarf. It kind of makes me hate her a little, even though I don't hate her. Judges, blah-di-blah. Jason Coleman gives the peace sign and then turns it sidewards, like it makes him cooler or something. Shut up, Jason, peace signs are not cool. Sidenote: I totes did the double-take when I saw him eating lunch at Melbourne Central, which probably gave him reason to think he is cool.
Nat can't believe there's only two weeks left; Jason can't believe that the audience tonight is "peaking". The audience totes needs medical help, as I don't think it's normal to take two months to come. They cheer orgasmically and Jason chuckles, watching them all sleazy-like and I suddenly feel gross. "The audience just get better and better and better every week," he continues, and I feel really gross. Bonnie says they're "getting close" because she's "sensing it" and "feeling it" and who really needed to know what Bonnie is sensing and feeling? On an unrelated note, Bonnie is not a good speaker. She has permanent word vomit and/or diarrhoea. Matt's the only one who does not make me feel sick. Then I remember that he hooked up with John Foreman.
Nat narrows her eyes a lot, I'm noticing. She's giving greasies to everyone, but I understand completely. I used to get accused of giving greasies from beneath hooded lids and through narrowed eyes and whatnot, but it was because I was becoming short-sighted and totes needed to squint to read/see something in the distance. Nat, get some contacts. Then I won't have to see so much of your denim blue eyeshadow because I think it's kind of yuck.
'KATE' goes the screen. I've got a headache that's building. Just thought I'd share. Kate's wearing an ugly halter dress. Also? Her arse in the mirror reflection looks the way mine does when I wear a halter, and Kate is skinnier than me. Halters are evil, see? She picks Rhys from a hat that I'm not sure is holding any other cards, so their enthusiam may have been faked. One of tonight's couples had to have faked their surprise for the camera because, well, maths. The contestants in the mirror reflection don't look all that emotive, so I'm saying these two faked it. Rhys picks rumba and they're both excited and shit. Through the mirror, I see Jack lean onto Demi's shoulders, probably to remind her of the time she flat-footed her way through their rumba and made him all scared they'd be bottom three-ed that week. I'll let you in on a little secret, kiddo. You end up WINNING.
Anyhow, they have Jason Gilkison as choreographer and why do people still call him Jason Gilkinson? Even I know there's no 'n'. His face kind of scares me. "This routine is about a man, who is really in love with a...woman, but he's never really told...her how he feels," says J, and I like to think he actually struggled to remember the correct pronouns. Something blah-blah about being "touched for the very first time". Like a viiiiiiiirrrrrrrgin. When your heart beats. Next to mine.
Oh shit. Oh shit! OH SHIT!
I just happened to look over to a set of lecture notes on the desk and noticed that I've potentially screwed up an entire section of last Thursday's exam! HEADBANG. SUICIDE!
Totes cannot finish this right now. Must tend to my woes. Now.
Yeah. I've decided to take one step towards my dream of being a blogging recapper. Except, the biggest hurdle I'm facing here (aside from my lack of wit and other good stuff that makes recaps fun to read) is my commitment problems. I have a very poor track record of finishing things properly, so if I were to be honest, I would say that the chances of me keeping up with a season's worth of TV shows would be slim to none.
Solution? Random recaps! Hooray for randomness!
Okay, so here is how it works: I will totes write a recap of something whenever I feel like it. Geddit? Random!
So, to ease myself into my recapping role, I'm going to take a stab at a show I never dreamed I'd want to recap, and I don't actually think I want to recap, but I have been reading various recaps of it and they sound fun, so I'm going to pretend to want to recap as my first official recap, just to see if it is fun.
Ladies and gents, I present to you my first ever recap.
Random Recap - So You Think You Can Dance Australia Top 6 Performance
I may flove this show kinda nuttily right now (even though it's "ovah, O-V-A-H!") but I can't pretend it's not...you know...reality tv. And as such, I'm starting to regret it as my choice to ease me into the recapping world, because...you know...it's reality tv! You can't snark properly because they're actually people, as opposed to characters, and I've noticed that people's siblings and mums and dads and friends and possibly even people themselves will trawl sites looking for mentions of their loved ones/them and if you're really nasty, they like to pop up, all "HAI, im PERSON'S SIBLING/MUM/DAD/FRIEND/PERSON HIM-OR-HERSELF, and i wld jst lyk 2 say dat u suk bcuz u sed dis!!!!11!! u r a loozer lolz!!!1!" and I don't know about you, but I feel like comments like that not only tend to lower the IQ of that poor blog, but just taint it forevermore. In addition, reality television is actually really snark-able (mostly because of the people), that any half-wit could do a decent recap of it, so if mine comes out on the shitty side, well...I dread to think of what that would say not only about my recapping career, but also about me as a...no-wit.
Oh good God. Turn around. Run. Wrong way, go back.
Too late! I pressed play! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
'PREVIOUSLY', on So You Think You Can Dance Australia, there were 8 dancers. And OneRepublic. I cannot decide if Ryan Tedder looks like someone I know or not.
Oooh, oooh, '8 BECAME 6' flashes on the screen. Subtraction! Mathematics! WHO SAID TV WAS BAD FOR YOU?!
Bratty Rhiannon and her bikini-top/bra-thing were sent home, as were Henry and his face. I never understand those people who are hot for Henners because, well...his face. By the way, is the side of the stage where the dancers get shoved during eliminations cordoned off? If it isn't, what saves dancers like Jack and Graeme from being mauled and slobbered on by rabid fangirls who are standing right next to them? Is there some don't-touch-don't-talk rule if you're going to be allowed to stand there?
'TONIGHT' flashes, followed by '3 NEW COUPLES'. If we're going to get pedantic, it's technically only 1 new couple because, of the 3 girls left, only 1 has danced with all three remaining guys. In keeping with the mathematically-themed show here, the maximum number of new couples that could be formed is 2 because the third will not be 'NEW', wherein 'NEW' is taken to mean "never danced together before". But let's not get bogged down by this because a) there's no way to kill fun faster than maths (unless...no, we won't go there), and b) this recap will never end.
'1 BIG SUPRISE'. And theme. Would you believe I'm only 58 seconds in?
"Demi!" Oh, I love Demi. She's so cute. "Graeme!" I love Graeme too, not as much as I love Demi, but he's a funny kid. "It's Kate!" She's inoffensive. And lovely, I'm sure. And wearing the bigger, more conservative sister of Rhiannon's bikini-top/bra-thing. "And Jack!" Oh, look! It's the WINNER. He does the same damn thing he did every damn week of the competition: SPINSPINSPIN!!! Based on that, the BJ dude could've been in the top 6. "Vanessa!" I've never been on the Vanessa love-train. And I'm reminded again why that is. "And Rhys!" Oh! I HEART RHYS! Who didn't, really? Although that ballooning crotch pouch? Is making my heart wither...
"Here are the girls!" Vanessa looks stupid. "And here are the guys!" Rhys' pants look stupid. I love how Kate and Jack's ending pose is so ordinary compared to everyone else. I'd like to think it's because they both suffered a rare moment of brain-freeze and forgot their actual pose. Seriously, Vanessa looks stupid in that get-up. And Graeme has a hand splayed all over Demi's chest. And that's probably the closest he's been...no, I won't go there, it's too cheap a shot.
And here is Natalie. I can't say I hate her hosting. I actually don't focus much on her at all, and I don't watch Neighbours so I don't see her as Izzy or whatever, and I barely remember half the time that she's lead singer for the Rogue Traders, so it's all good, Nat. Me no hatey. God, Vanessa looks really bad in that thing and the headscarf. It kind of makes me hate her a little, even though I don't hate her. Judges, blah-di-blah. Jason Coleman gives the peace sign and then turns it sidewards, like it makes him cooler or something. Shut up, Jason, peace signs are not cool. Sidenote: I totes did the double-take when I saw him eating lunch at Melbourne Central, which probably gave him reason to think he is cool.
Nat can't believe there's only two weeks left; Jason can't believe that the audience tonight is "peaking". The audience totes needs medical help, as I don't think it's normal to take two months to come. They cheer orgasmically and Jason chuckles, watching them all sleazy-like and I suddenly feel gross. "The audience just get better and better and better every week," he continues, and I feel really gross. Bonnie says they're "getting close" because she's "sensing it" and "feeling it" and who really needed to know what Bonnie is sensing and feeling? On an unrelated note, Bonnie is not a good speaker. She has permanent word vomit and/or diarrhoea. Matt's the only one who does not make me feel sick. Then I remember that he hooked up with John Foreman.
Nat narrows her eyes a lot, I'm noticing. She's giving greasies to everyone, but I understand completely. I used to get accused of giving greasies from beneath hooded lids and through narrowed eyes and whatnot, but it was because I was becoming short-sighted and totes needed to squint to read/see something in the distance. Nat, get some contacts. Then I won't have to see so much of your denim blue eyeshadow because I think it's kind of yuck.
'KATE' goes the screen. I've got a headache that's building. Just thought I'd share. Kate's wearing an ugly halter dress. Also? Her arse in the mirror reflection looks the way mine does when I wear a halter, and Kate is skinnier than me. Halters are evil, see? She picks Rhys from a hat that I'm not sure is holding any other cards, so their enthusiam may have been faked. One of tonight's couples had to have faked their surprise for the camera because, well, maths. The contestants in the mirror reflection don't look all that emotive, so I'm saying these two faked it. Rhys picks rumba and they're both excited and shit. Through the mirror, I see Jack lean onto Demi's shoulders, probably to remind her of the time she flat-footed her way through their rumba and made him all scared they'd be bottom three-ed that week. I'll let you in on a little secret, kiddo. You end up WINNING.
Anyhow, they have Jason Gilkison as choreographer and why do people still call him Jason Gilkinson? Even I know there's no 'n'. His face kind of scares me. "This routine is about a man, who is really in love with a...woman, but he's never really told...her how he feels," says J, and I like to think he actually struggled to remember the correct pronouns. Something blah-blah about being "touched for the very first time". Like a viiiiiiiirrrrrrrgin. When your heart beats. Next to mine.
Oh shit. Oh shit! OH SHIT!
I just happened to look over to a set of lecture notes on the desk and noticed that I've potentially screwed up an entire section of last Thursday's exam! HEADBANG. SUICIDE!
Totes cannot finish this right now. Must tend to my woes. Now.
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