List of Things I May Never Get To Do. Ever.

1. Work at the AO in some capacity. Any capacity that allows me to have access to players. Preferably as umpire, so I can deduct points from people I hate. Or driver, even though I'm pretty sure I'd get them lost in my own city. Meh, I'm not too proud to be players' dining room server. I WILL SERVE THEM FOOD, DAMNIT.

2. Become a world-famous tennis player. Those dreams shattered in Year 8 PE.

3. Find a piano teacher who is willing to teach my Grade 1 arse so that I can play something other than elementary crap. They all hated me when I was younger - I've only become much worse since.

4. Know how to cook several dishes at the drop of a (chef's) hat. Without recipes. Or, be able to invent recipes at a moment's notice and not kill everyone at the table.

5. Invent a gadget that is amazingly useful and instantly popular - market, mass-produce, millionaire!

6. Wake up to find that 9 years of French study has suddenly returned to my noggin, ready to use. Also, discover that 0 years of Spanish study is not a problem - yo hablo español tan fluido como locales. Es como magia!

7. Write a novel/screenplay. I'll settle for writing a novel that becomes a screenplay. The get-rich-and-famous part is implied.

8. Be discovered as the next Broadway star while singing a Wicked number to myself on the streets (the dancing is negligible, obviously). That, or become homeless and become a theatre squatter - povo, Oz-style!

9. Live in a hotel. More Eloise than Oliver Trask though. And preferably, I'd own the shit out of that building too.

10. Meet Kate Moennig. The become-her-best-friend-and-confidante-and-shopping-partner part is implied.

'Hello, hello; I take you on a trip...'

I dreamed a dream that Rafa died,
On RLA where he was playing,
I dreamed that I sat down and cried,
For my tickets now a-wasting

Though he was young and living well,
That heart attack meant life had ended,
I watched on YouTube as he fell,
Not knees this time to be mended

My AO dreams came apart,
Mes billets are torn asunder,
Then the GOAT he called me up,
And hired me to take his ba.....bies....

And so I turned up to MP,
With twins in hand and guest pass holder,
But still the courts they seemed to be,
Somehow haunted and much colder

I had a dream my January,
Was a complete and total nightmare,
Nadal won't play anymore,
And now I long for days before.


Another delirious drug-addled dream courtesy of my please-go-away-now illness?