Why Can't My Life Be Like Reality TV?

Then I'd at least get to be a famewhore in addition to suffering from mylifesucksitis, instead of just being plagued by the latter. If my life were like reality tv, I'd sit here and all the assignments and study and dishwashing and feelings of lazy and unwashed hair and cold tea and piles of laundry and unpaid bills and people to call back would still drain me of any motivation for, you know, existing right now, but people would actually sit there and watch me suffer. They might even suffer alongside me. They'd tune in to see if I might fall into a woe-induced coma. And then they'd leap onto a forum and start pulling for me to rise above it and emerge victorious/bitching about how I'm a lazy slob who has no-one to blame but herself and that my hair is absolutely disgusting to boot.

If my life were like So You Think You Can Dance, right now I'd be sobbing about how tired I am and how hard this assignment is and how much harder it is for me to grasp, what with being so burdened with my life's multitude of difficulties. I'd keep the whining to a minimum (so as to not be a complete douche. That's more apt for when my life is like Big Brother) but amp up the sympathetic-victim-who-valiantly-tries-and-aims-to-succeed vibes (so as to win underdog votes). There'd be a lot of shots of me working on the assignment, grinning ruefully when I accidentally screw up the Word document template and meticulously saving after each word that I type ("I'm so scared of losing it all, so I'm being extra careful this week- better safe than sorry!"). At the end of my montage, I'd have a laugh with my partner, who has already completed the assignment but is playing the role of All Around Nice Person Whom Everyone Loves, so is goodnaturedly helping me out with their, no doubt, flawless research technique and mad typing skills. And scene. I mean, autocue.

Also, if my life were really like SYTYCD, I'd totes be hanging with Demi and Rhys and not giving two fucks about this shit. Evidence Based Practice assignment, be damned!