Yeah. I've decided to take one step towards my dream of being a blogging recapper. Except, the biggest hurdle I'm facing here (aside from my lack of wit and other good stuff that makes recaps fun to read) is my commitment problems. I have a very poor track record of finishing things properly, so if I were to be honest, I would say that the chances of me keeping up with a season's worth of TV shows would be slim to none.
Solution? Random recaps! Hooray for randomness!
Okay, so here is how it works: I will totes write a recap of something whenever I feel like it. Geddit? Random!
So, to ease myself into my recapping role, I'm going to take a stab at a show I never dreamed I'd want to recap, and I don't actually think I want to recap, but I have been reading various recaps of it and they sound fun, so I'm going to pretend to want to recap as my first official recap, just to see if it is fun.
Ladies and gents, I present to you my first ever recap.
Random Recap - So You Think You Can Dance Australia Top 6 Performance
I may flove this show kinda nuttily right now (even though it's "ovah, O-V-A-H!") but I can't pretend it's not...you know...reality tv. And as such, I'm starting to regret it as my choice to ease me into the recapping world, because...you know...it's reality tv! You can't snark properly because they're actually people, as opposed to characters, and I've noticed that people's siblings and mums and dads and friends and possibly even people themselves will trawl sites looking for mentions of their loved ones/them and if you're really nasty, they like to pop up, all "HAI, im PERSON'S SIBLING/MUM/DAD/FRIEND/PERSON HIM-OR-HERSELF, and i wld jst lyk 2 say dat u suk bcuz u sed dis!!!!11!! u r a loozer lolz!!!1!" and I don't know about you, but I feel like comments like that not only tend to lower the IQ of that poor blog, but just taint it forevermore. In addition, reality television is actually really snark-able (mostly because of the people), that any half-wit could do a decent recap of it, so if mine comes out on the shitty side, well...I dread to think of what that would say not only about my recapping career, but also about me as a...no-wit.
Oh good God. Turn around. Run. Wrong way, go back.
Too late! I pressed play! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
'PREVIOUSLY', on So You Think You Can Dance Australia, there were 8 dancers. And OneRepublic. I cannot decide if Ryan Tedder looks like someone I know or not.
Oooh, oooh, '8 BECAME 6' flashes on the screen. Subtraction! Mathematics! WHO SAID TV WAS BAD FOR YOU?!
Bratty Rhiannon and her bikini-top/bra-thing were sent home, as were Henry and his face. I never understand those people who are hot for Henners because, well...his face. By the way, is the side of the stage where the dancers get shoved during eliminations cordoned off? If it isn't, what saves dancers like Jack and Graeme from being mauled and slobbered on by rabid fangirls who are standing right next to them? Is there some don't-touch-don't-talk rule if you're going to be allowed to stand there?
'TONIGHT' flashes, followed by '3 NEW COUPLES'. If we're going to get pedantic, it's technically only 1 new couple because, of the 3 girls left, only 1 has danced with all three remaining guys. In keeping with the mathematically-themed show here, the maximum number of new couples that could be formed is 2 because the third will not be 'NEW', wherein 'NEW' is taken to mean "never danced together before". But let's not get bogged down by this because a) there's no way to kill fun faster than maths (unless...no, we won't go there), and b) this recap will never end.
'1 BIG SUPRISE'. And theme. Would you believe I'm only 58 seconds in?
"Demi!" Oh, I love Demi. She's so cute. "Graeme!" I love Graeme too, not as much as I love Demi, but he's a funny kid. "It's Kate!" She's inoffensive. And lovely, I'm sure. And wearing the bigger, more conservative sister of Rhiannon's bikini-top/bra-thing. "And Jack!" Oh, look! It's the WINNER. He does the same damn thing he did every damn week of the competition: SPINSPINSPIN!!! Based on that, the BJ dude could've been in the top 6. "Vanessa!" I've never been on the Vanessa love-train. And I'm reminded again why that is. "And Rhys!" Oh! I HEART RHYS! Who didn't, really? Although that ballooning crotch pouch? Is making my heart wither...
"Here are the girls!" Vanessa looks stupid. "And here are the guys!" Rhys' pants look stupid. I love how Kate and Jack's ending pose is so ordinary compared to everyone else. I'd like to think it's because they both suffered a rare moment of brain-freeze and forgot their actual pose. Seriously, Vanessa looks stupid in that get-up. And Graeme has a hand splayed all over Demi's chest. And that's probably the closest he's been...no, I won't go there, it's too cheap a shot.
And here is Natalie. I can't say I hate her hosting. I actually don't focus much on her at all, and I don't watch Neighbours so I don't see her as Izzy or whatever, and I barely remember half the time that she's lead singer for the Rogue Traders, so it's all good, Nat. Me no hatey. God, Vanessa looks really bad in that thing and the headscarf. It kind of makes me hate her a little, even though I don't hate her. Judges, blah-di-blah. Jason Coleman gives the peace sign and then turns it sidewards, like it makes him cooler or something. Shut up, Jason, peace signs are not cool. Sidenote: I totes did the double-take when I saw him eating lunch at Melbourne Central, which probably gave him reason to think he is cool.
Nat can't believe there's only two weeks left; Jason can't believe that the audience tonight is "peaking". The audience totes needs medical help, as I don't think it's normal to take two months to come. They cheer orgasmically and Jason chuckles, watching them all sleazy-like and I suddenly feel gross. "The audience just get better and better and better every week," he continues, and I feel really gross. Bonnie says they're "getting close" because she's "sensing it" and "feeling it" and who really needed to know what Bonnie is sensing and feeling? On an unrelated note, Bonnie is not a good speaker. She has permanent word vomit and/or diarrhoea. Matt's the only one who does not make me feel sick. Then I remember that he hooked up with John Foreman.
Nat narrows her eyes a lot, I'm noticing. She's giving greasies to everyone, but I understand completely. I used to get accused of giving greasies from beneath hooded lids and through narrowed eyes and whatnot, but it was because I was becoming short-sighted and totes needed to squint to read/see something in the distance. Nat, get some contacts. Then I won't have to see so much of your denim blue eyeshadow because I think it's kind of yuck.
'KATE' goes the screen. I've got a headache that's building. Just thought I'd share. Kate's wearing an ugly halter dress. Also? Her arse in the mirror reflection looks the way mine does when I wear a halter, and Kate is skinnier than me. Halters are evil, see? She picks Rhys from a hat that I'm not sure is holding any other cards, so their enthusiam may have been faked. One of tonight's couples had to have faked their surprise for the camera because, well, maths. The contestants in the mirror reflection don't look all that emotive, so I'm saying these two faked it. Rhys picks rumba and they're both excited and shit. Through the mirror, I see Jack lean onto Demi's shoulders, probably to remind her of the time she flat-footed her way through their rumba and made him all scared they'd be bottom three-ed that week. I'll let you in on a little secret, kiddo. You end up WINNING.
Anyhow, they have Jason Gilkison as choreographer and why do people still call him Jason Gilkinson? Even I know there's no 'n'. His face kind of scares me. "This routine is about a man, who is really in love with a...woman, but he's never really told...her how he feels," says J, and I like to think he actually struggled to remember the correct pronouns. Something blah-blah about being "touched for the very first time". Like a viiiiiiiirrrrrrrgin. When your heart beats. Next to mine.
Oh shit. Oh shit! OH SHIT!
I just happened to look over to a set of lecture notes on the desk and noticed that I've potentially screwed up an entire section of last Thursday's exam! HEADBANG. SUICIDE!
Totes cannot finish this right now. Must tend to my woes. Now.
No comments:
Post a Comment